We live in a culture obsessed with self-care: our online space is filled with rituals from gua sha to skincare routines, journaling, relaxing baths, meditation, mantras and retreats. All of these are wonderful, don’t get me wrong. But there’s a glaring omission in most self-care conversations: adequate nourishment. I see this all the time when I am working with my female clients, who struggle with erratic, painful or missing periods, perimenopause symptoms, fertility issues, weight gain, low energy, hair loss…and when we look at their day to day habits, one pattern I keep seeing is undernourishment.
If we peel back the layers of what it truly means to love ourselves, we can’t skip over the most foundational act of care—feeding ourselves well, consistently, and enough.
The Silent Epidemic: Undereating and Erratic Eating
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room: most women are not eating enough. They’re either consciously trying to restrict themselves to lose weight, or they’re unconsciously undereating because they are running on stress hormones, not prioritising meals due to being so busy, or thinking they are eating enough but their food actually has high volume but not enough energy to sustain their busy lives (I’m looking at you, salads). Whenever I question whether a client is eating enough, I am often met with resistance, saying that this is not the case, and when I suggest eating more, fear of weight gain is often a concern.
The sad truth is that chronic undernourishment is socially normalized—especially for women.
Skipping breakfast, surviving on coffee until 2 PM (let’s get this straight, coffee is not breakfast!) , eating “light” at lunch, then ravenously grazing in the afternoon or bingeing in the evenings or weekends.. this isn’t balance. It’s a recipe for hormonal mayhem.
Even among the wellness-conscious, the message is often “less is more.” Fewer calories, less sugar, intermittent fasting, green juice in place of meals. But our bodies are not meant to run on fumes, and this pattern of erratic or insufficient eating silently wreaks havoc on our well-being.
How It Impacts Hormones and Thyroid Health
Your body doesn’t see under-eating as a trendy diet or a means to look hot in a bikini —it sees it as famine and stress. And when the body’s stress mechanisms are activated,
- Hormonal imbalances: When caloric intake is too low, your body down-regulates reproductive hormones (especially progesterone, our true female hormone, which keeps us calm, lowers inflammation and helps us sleep) to conserve energy and to protect you and any potential offspring from famine. It’s basically thinking: This is not a safe time to have a baby, as there is not enough energy for the host, let alone another human being!’ Remember, female physiology requires safety in order to reproduce. This can lead to irregular cycles, PMS, low libido, fertility issues, and all those peri- and menopausal symptoms so many women are currently struggling with: hot flashes, weight gain, brain fog, insomnia, irritability and anxiety.
- Thyroid suppression: Your thyroid governs your metabolism, energy, hormones, and mood. Chronic undereating signals it to slow down; again, to conserve energy. This will lead to symptoms such as fatigue, weight gain, dry skin, hair loss, hormonal imbalances and low mood.
- Blood sugar instability: Skipping meals or eating erratically causes blood sugar spikes and crashes, which will in turn recruit cortisol and adrenaline to stabilise it. This will then fuel cravings, irritability, sleep disorders (hello night time wakings!) and anxiety.
This isn’t just about discomfort—it’s a physiological SOS.
What Real Self-Love Looks Like
Imagine this: you have a child or a pet. You would never let them skip meals, ignore their hunger cues, or survive on coffee and stress. You would make sure they have regular, nourishing meals, with enough protein, carbs, and fats. You would not let them go to school on an empty stomach because they are not hungry, or only feed them according to times dictated by Pubmed studies (mostly done on men BTW).
So why is it so hard to give ourselves the same love?
Real self-care doesn’t always look like face masks and mani-pedis. I would argue that true self care looks like taking an afternoon to batch cook some food so you always have a quick and nourishing packed lunch to take to work, getting up earlier to prepare and eat a real breakfast (no lattes or a chia puddings, please), or saying “no” to a lunchtime meeting so you can eat a meal in peace.
Nourishment as Ritual
Here’s how to reframe nourishment as an act of self-love:
- Frontload your day. If you’re skipping breakfast or having something small like some yogurt and berries, having a light lunch and your main meal at dinnertime, turn this pattern on its head, and aim to eat the majority of your food for breakfast and lunch. Eating a hearty breakfast and lunch sets you up for the day, gives you the energy you need to fuel your busy day, and prevents cravings and snack attacks later on in the day. Aim to eat breakfast within an hour of waking up, and never, under any circumstance, train on an empty stomach!
- Eat enough. Most adult women – regardless of their age – need at least 2000 calories per day to thrive, not just survive. You will likely need even more if you are active, stressed, or healing. Does that number scare you?
- Don’t go too long without food. Aim to eat every 3–4 hours. Hunger is not an inconvenience—it’s your body’s way of keeping you alive.
- Meal prep with love. Prepping food isn’t a chore, it’s a love letter to your future self. You’re saying, I care enough to make sure you’re fed, no matter how the day goes.
- Ditch diet culture. Question the messaging that equates less food with more worth, and find a way to step away from the next crash diet or dietary regimes which eliminate entire food groups. True beauty and strength are built from nourishment, not deprivation. If this is something that resonates with you, let’s talk! Why not book in a 30 minute Zoom call where we can discuss how true nourishment can help your health flourish.
Self-love isn’t always glamorous—but it is deeply powerful. Next time you’re tempted to skip a meal or push through hunger, pause and ask yourself: Would I do this to someone I love?
Because you deserve the same care, the same kindness, the same steady nourishment.Let feeding yourself well become your most radical act of self-love.
